My Not So Perfect But Fabulous Life

using my big words to inspire… & hopefully make a difference

The Jones’ January 27, 2010

Filed under: Being Positive,Faith,Friends,Hope,On being a mom,Unplug — MDunbar @ 7:57 pm

What's on your list?

” We are a tribe of dogmatic individuals who strive 24-7 to have it all but as a society, we don’t know when to throw in the towel.” Ellen Miller

How many times have you found yourself fighting for something that you know you can’t win. Maybe you held on to a project that was in no way going to come to fruition or maybe you tried with all your heart to make others care about something that you were passionate about but to no avail.

We drive ourselves and work very hard. Success, by society standards, is how much money/status/material possessions that you have. I know this as well as the next person. Starting off in advertising sales and working for a society magazine, I was caught up in what I thought was important. After a mission trip to Mexico, I remembered who I was and what was really important. I started to see the things that surrounded me were not at all in line with what was really important to me. People were lying, cheating, stealing. They were miserable people who, from the outside, seemed to have everything. I was a part of that all the while feeling like something was missing.

After returning from the mission trip, I quit sales altogether and had no job in sight. I only knew I had to get out of the environment I was in. Two weeks to the day I received a call from a friend at the church we attended and there was a position that seemed to have been created encompassing everything I had ever done. I truly felt it was God showing me that I had to trust in him and everything would work out. Why was I so surprised and overwhelmed? Growing up my mom always said that if I followed “God’s instruction manual for life” that things would work out like they should.

Well, God knows I am not perfect but I do know what is important to me. I am working very hard to not let the materialistic things get in the way of what is important. It is an everyday challenge to focus on my life and his plan and let go of the consumer in me. Sometimes I fall prey to “The Jones”. They seem to have everything, right? THe surprising thing is, once inside THe Jones’ house, they don’ have it figured out either.

Bottom line is, I know what is important to me. I am focused on being a good person. I am trying to be the kind of wife, mom, daughter, friend that I would want. Do I fall short? Every single day. I am told though, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” My schedule is full of my faith, my family and my friends.

If you looked at your schedule, what ranks highest? Like it or not, it tells you exactly what you think is important.

 

Authentic

Filed under: Being Positive,Friends,husbands,Uncategorized — MDunbar @ 7:16 pm

The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well. Joe Ancis

Like it or not, I have pretty much been who I am all of my life. I am the cheesy, blue skies, silver lining kind of girl. I love giving back and helping others achieve something of importance and I truly love people. These things come easily to me but often my feelings get hurt because I get too emotionally vested or someone is just mean. I don’t understand why there are women out there who thrive on talking down or making others feel bad. I guess that is why growing up, I always had more guy friends. My husband is my best friend. He knows me so well and accepts me for the crazy person I am.

I am also incredibly blessed to have some really close girlfriends that I can’t even tell you how important they are to me. The commonality that we have is we are all strong-willed, honest folks. None of us pretend to be anything we are not, for better or for worse. It is so freeing to live this way. We are authentic, and can be completely crazy at times, but no matter what, we are honest and supportive of one another. I owe so much to these special women. I don’t know where I would be without them.

This part of the book is about living intentionally. Miller says there are three things to help us get back to who we really are. Our authentic selves.

  1. Reveal: a part of us to others. Let others know that we aren’t perfect.
  2. Respond: Listen with our hearts and respond with actions.
  3. Relax: Get comfortable. Let down the barriers that prevent us from being real.

I can tell you that even though some are put off by the fact that I have no pretenses and am totally honest about who I am, I would rather live with who I am and know that person, than lose myself in a persona that wasn’t real. One of my favorite characters is Elle Woods from Legally Blond. She is very “Malibu Barbie” but she knows who she is, she is genuinely nice to everyone, and she is truly authentic. The confidence in who she is makes her so likable and her attitude in infectious. Even those who ridicule her come to love her for her supportive, friendly ways.

“Believing in yourself never goes out of style.” Elle Woods

Life is too short and I want to be present in ever aspect. C.S. Lewis said it best, “We are what we believe we are.”

Who are you?

 

Drama Mama! January 16, 2010

Filed under: Being Positive,Drama,Just Say No! — MDunbar @ 10:28 pm

No Drama Mama!

Today we are on the second stage of Cocooning. During this process we are asked to reflect on our lives and consider what is working and what is not. This is a time when we must be honest and gentle with ourselves. This is hugely important. I know that I can fool myself into believing whatever I want for the sake of preservation and  that perception is reality but this is the time when we must truly look at what is going on in our lives. It is so easy to see what is NOT working in our lives but it is important that we look at what is working. We need to give ourselves props when we are doing things right.

Miller says there are only two things that we can control and she is right, our thoughts and our actions. I know that (when I am rested) I can focus my thoughts on the positive, no matter how desperate the situation may seem, and I can handle situations much better. I am more patient, kind, loving and helpful. I work better when I am positive.

I must confess that situations can spin South easily for me. It is a struggle that I don’t always win. I fall prey to friends circumstances and sometimes even to gossip and rumors. It’s the South. Home of, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me” and only in my recent adulthood have I become comfortable saying, ” I don’t appreciate you talking about that person.” I am by no means a saint but I will give myself credit for trying. I am focusing on the positive as best I can.

For the next 30 days I am going to say no to drama. I can’t keep it from happening but I can prevent it from spreading. I am going to opt to see the positive. The song in my head? “Always look on the bright side of life.” Monty Python rules!

 

And Another Thing… January 14, 2010

Filed under: Being Positive,Crazy,letting go — MDunbar @ 10:07 pm

JB Let's me know how he REALLY feels!

I used to be really good at comebacks. I guess you could say I was that girl who had “And another thing” to say. I had an ex-boyfriend tell me that I had a comeback for every occasion. I am not sure if I should be proud or not but I can tell you that I have lost my gift. Now I am that girl who, two hours after I have had time to process what I have heard, I have a “eureka” moment. It takes me that time to go through the plethora of things in my head for the exact words that I would say. Much like Meg Ryan in “You’ve Got Mail”, I can never think of the biting words I need to set my frenemy on a tilt. On the rare occasion I do, I always regret it.

Much like my lack of spontaneity of ruthless words, I also run through different dramatic outcomes to situations that haven’t even really happened. You know when you only hear a little bit about something and it spirals out of control in your head until you are ready to march in that office and quit! OK, maybe it’s just me…sorry. Miller put my mind at ease that somehow there is someone else out there even a little bit as crazy as I can be.

The plot outlines, the biting comebacks and the frustration and anger that comes with thinking that way, are not healthy. Sure we have to have creative outlets but I much prefer the way in which Miller urges us to react. Instead of getting wrapped up in our own private dialog with the witty person that lives inside our heads, we should focus on the positive things that surround us. That is something that will take quite a bit of work for me. You would not believe the drama that surrounds my life. Working at a church, having the family I have and having a  passion for drama, I mean theatre, I can really create some stress for myself. I am truly going to try to focus my energy on redirection. I will try this week to not embellish or react to the drama that heads my way. I will try my best to let my “enthusiasm, loveliness and spunk” shine through. I certainly do not want to impact those I love with negative vibes from someone else.

Me kicking tomorrow's booty (in a positive way!)

                                    And another thing…Have a great Friday!