My Not So Perfect But Fabulous Life

using my big words to inspire… & hopefully make a difference

Drama Mama! January 16, 2010

Filed under: Being Positive,Drama,Just Say No! — MDunbar @ 10:28 pm

No Drama Mama!

Today we are on the second stage of Cocooning. During this process we are asked to reflect on our lives and consider what is working and what is not. This is a time when we must be honest and gentle with ourselves. This is hugely important. I know that I can fool myself into believing whatever I want for the sake of preservation and  that perception is reality but this is the time when we must truly look at what is going on in our lives. It is so easy to see what is NOT working in our lives but it is important that we look at what is working. We need to give ourselves props when we are doing things right.

Miller says there are only two things that we can control and she is right, our thoughts and our actions. I know that (when I am rested) I can focus my thoughts on the positive, no matter how desperate the situation may seem, and I can handle situations much better. I am more patient, kind, loving and helpful. I work better when I am positive.

I must confess that situations can spin South easily for me. It is a struggle that I don’t always win. I fall prey to friends circumstances and sometimes even to gossip and rumors. It’s the South. Home of, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me” and only in my recent adulthood have I become comfortable saying, ” I don’t appreciate you talking about that person.” I am by no means a saint but I will give myself credit for trying. I am focusing on the positive as best I can.

For the next 30 days I am going to say no to drama. I can’t keep it from happening but I can prevent it from spreading. I am going to opt to see the positive. The song in my head? “Always look on the bright side of life.” Monty Python rules!

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It’s All About ME! January 10, 2010

Filed under: Just Say No! — MDunbar @ 10:53 pm

When I read today’s reading it totally spoke to me, or at least the person I used to be. Miller talks about being the type of person that so many people rely on that you end up being no good to anyone!

There was a time, which I previously stated, in which I struggled to say no. I am past that now but man, I totally defined myself by what I was doing. I felt like I HAD to be helpful to everyone who needed it no matter hoe busy I was. Even my boss had to tell me to stop doing other people’s work! Yikes! I thought I was helping them out but I was over worked and barely getting done what I need to get done. After a while, people began to rely on me more and more. I had calls from all different areas for so many random things but they were all piling up. I finally started handing everything back to the rightful owner or I would ask for help. Whoa! Novelty idea I know, I am a genius. I actually delegated and realized that so many people were so willing to help. I just needed to ask them!

I had allowed my self worth to be tied in how much I could do. It is NOT healthy to define ourselves by what we do. It is who we are that makes the difference. You can serve the needy with a joyful heart and gain blessing for it but serve with and angry or judgemental heart and you will reap nothing.  It is not all about me. It’s all about we! That is what making memories is all about, not doing it all myself.

Our jobs, our things even the clubs we belong to don’t define us. Only our actions can prove our true selves.

 

Too Many Balls in the Air January 9, 2010

Filed under: Friends,Just Say No!,Kids,On being a mom,parenthood — MDunbar @ 10:37 pm

We have all heard of the old adage about having “too many balls in the air”. You have to decide which are most important and focus on them. I can attest to that. I used to be queen of Yes. Yes I can help you raise money. Yes I can donate calligraphy, Yes, I can work both kids parties at the same time. You know the drill. I have done a lot better in this area and those folks that really know me have seen this to be true.

Two years ago I was sick for no apparent reason other than stress. My parents weren’t doing well health wise and I was worried about them. Our church was in the midst of a Grand Opening and there was a mission trip at the same time that I was to co-lead. I was a Junior League Member trying to fulfill my obligations all on top of being a full-time employed mother of two that couldn’t say no.

I started waking up and my arms would be asleep, painfully asleep, only I wasn’t lying on them. I itched to no end. I started noticing a rash on my arms and I would break out in sweats. (Not the cute Juicey Couture, either! ) I saw the doctor 4 times in one week and was on antibiotics. They did numerous blood tests and I just knew at any moment, Dr. Gregory House was going to walk in and say that I had Lupus.

I was at a loss and so I started cutting back. I stepped down from JLLR which killed my soul. I stepped down off two Boards that I was residing over and I focused only on my family and my church. immediately, the rash went away. I was so frustrated that I let myself get so stressed and worked up over life situations that I could have prevented. I was no good to anyone when I was stressed out chasing all of those balls trying to make sure I didn’t drop one. Now, the load is much manageable and I am only juggling a few. From time to time I will throw in an extra but only if I know I won’t drop it.

Maintaining a healthy balance is so important in life. I encourage you to make a list of the things you are active in and see if it really defines who you are and if it is enriching your life. An easy way to start is to look at your checkbook. You spend money on what you care about the most. Figure out which things are most important and make them a priority. It will make a huge difference I bet.